Tags
crazy, family of 6, high risk pregnancy, lesbian moms, prayer, pregnancy, selective reduction, shocked, triplets, TTC
Life doesn’t line up in a perfectly straight line, not like you hope and even pray for. It would be nice however to avoid the oncoming curve ball every now and then though.
I have debated for weeks on what to write and when to write it.
I have not written for several reasons. (1) What I have to write about still feels very raw and I feel very emotional (2) my wife has really wanted us to keep this within our family for now.
It has finally boiled down to the fact that I need to write. I don’t have many followers on my blog, and I do not intend to share this on Facebook anytime in the near future, so for those of you who read this blog, and are on my Facebook, please keep it to yourself for now.
We found out about 6 ½ weeks ago that we were pregnant. Yay. I was 10 DPO (days past ovulation) when I peed on a stick and received a faint positive. That was a Thursday night. I did it again Friday with the same outcome, and all though the weekend. I didn’t reach out to our RE until that Monday. I had a hard time believing it was actually positive, even after five positive pregnancy tests.
My first beta was almost 200 and for the next two weeks it climbed just as it should. We ended up having our first ultrasound a week earlier than normal because the nurse miscounted how many weeks I was at. Good for us!
On the way to the first ultrasound I was nervous. The last ultrasound I had to check on a baby was the one that confirmed out son, Thatcher, was dead. I did tell Nikki however that I wanted to call it on the way down. I said we would be having twins and she called a singleton. I had long thought that we would have twins the next go around. I think I even wrote about it in a previous blog.
I was shocked when the ultrasound tech turned the screen to show us our baby. You couldn’t hear the heartbeat, but you could see it. I was only 5w6d and it was measuring right on target. While I was relieved and happy, I was shocked that I was so wrong. I was sure we were going to have twins; I knew it in my heart. After the tech finished all of the measurements she moved the wand a little and low and behold a second sac appeared. Nikki leaned over my stomach to look and kept pointing and saying, “what’s that, what’s that.” Our tech got excited as well and she said it looks like things were going to get interesting. There ended up being three sacs in all however the third sac was almost not even measurable and you couldn’t see anything inside it.
I know this may sound harsh, but I was okay with it being two. Our RE had said that with the meds I took, multiples were a possibility, and that with my APS (the issue that ended up killing Thatcher) it would be hard for me to carry multiples and that if we hit three, we would need to have serious talks about selective reduction. To me, this was God’s way of saying, “I am taking the hard decisions out of your hands.” I felt for the first time in a while that He had me, that He had us, and that this was a part of His plan. Either way, two babies was plenty, more than enough and we left thankful.
Our tech and RE both said that the third sac would just absorb and at this point it was highly unlikely that it would develop into anything but they scheduled us for the following week to check everything out and to keep my mind at ease.
The date of our second ultrasound, our favorite tech got us again (she typically does) and said lets check on the triplets. She was joking. It was all fun and games until we got into the ultrasound to discover not only had the third sac not gone away, it had grown, developed a heartbeat, and caught up to the other two.
So basically what I am trying to say is that we are pregnant, with TRIPLETS.
This next part is where it gets hairy and personal. If you have a nasty comment, I simply ask that you keep it to yourself.
Our RE is pushing for us to reduce by one; it is called a selective medical reduction. Either way you shake it, the procedure is an abortion. We will be meeting with the MFM about this in a couple of weeks just to hear her out and to know what our options and chances are for a successful triplets pregnancy. Our RE said that while we do know some of the risks with my blood disorder, we do not truly understand how risky this pregnancy is and how quickly things can go sour. He hopes that the MFM will scare the “shit” out of us with the stats.
We are going to look at all options, but neither one of us can imagine “choosing” to let a child go. It seems like it is worth the risk to try to get them all here even though we could potentially risk all of them.
This was the third ultrasound that was this week. All are healthy and good.
I thought that the third sac not having a heartbeat was Heavenly Father watching out for us. I am not sure now what to think other than perhaps number three is a miracle and this is a part of His plan. I am lost though and I feel as though I do not know what to even pray for at this time. My best guess is peace and a healthy pregnancy but I think spiritually I feel even more lost, just when I thought I was making a turn for the best. Curveballs.
So my 32-week due date should be two days before Thatcher’s due date (and around the time of what should be his first birthday). I cannot help but think that if it were not for the loss of my sweet little man, these three blessings would not be here. If for nothing more, at least for now
So there you have it my friends. This momma is carrying triplets who for now are totally healthy based on (three ultrasounds and their heart rates) and this momma and mother are a little freaked out. Send good vibes our way, pray for us, chant or whatever it is you do, but we could use it.
Much love my friends.
Kerri